love spell

among other things, apparently a “holey,” or “hagstone” (a stone with a naturally created hole in it) represents the sacred vagina of the great goddess. if the internet is correct, it seems i can stick a small, precisely fitting twig into one of these “holeys,” (imitating an act not generally associated with sticks and stones), and then i can throw the resulting coupled bit of nature into the sea, in order to create a very powerful love spell. true love, apparently will come to me sometime afterwards. i’m not sure quite how to proceed, since true love has already come to me, and we have spent the last 28 years together. what if i toss a twig-impaled hagstone into the sea, and the universe sends me a “true love,” wearing dockers and a golf cap, who quotes lines from Happy Gilmore, and wants to tell me about his awesome last trip to vegas? no, i think i’ll store these hagstones chastely in a box in my basement, where they can do whatever they want with their sacred vaginas.

hag stones

mediterranean beach near sète, france