on long marriages with kids

i was talking with a friend once about a mutual acquaintance who had had an affair, and whose husband had just found out. the couple had been married a long time, they had four kids, and two houses together. i asked if divorce was being discussed, and she said “i don’t think so, their life is so intertwined at this point i don’t think they are considering it.”  i heard that story many years ago and had forgotten it until today. this tangle of tendrils reminded me of it–two independent vines growing side by side, with so many intertwined tendrils that it would be devastating to both if they tried to untangle it all. so destructive, in fact, that it simply wouldn’t make sense. as i am typing, i realize that is a grim metaphor for marriage–a co-dependent death grip of sorts. i am actually a big fan of marriage. i have been married 30 years to the same man. i consider it the best decision i ever made. i know i feel, and i think steve would agree, that we are both better, stronger, happier people because of our marriage. i guess “entanglements” is a neutral which doesn’t necessarily have to carry with it a positive or negative association. only what you bring to it. much like marriage.

wild grape vine tendrils in march