steve and i have a term, operating at capacity, that we use to describe our life sometimes. it can be a positive or a negative term depending on how we feel at the time. at its best, it means grabbing life and all it offers as fully and completely, with as much presence and passion, as our talents and energies allow. at other times, it just feels like being overextended and not being able to say no to enough things, so that we are doing everything we are “supposed”  to do, but not doing the things we want to do as well as we would like. this week was a little of both, and i’m left feeling a kind of tired that is neither the exhilarating fatigue of an athlete after a big effort, nor the clarifying fatigue of having overextended and knowing you have to scale back, and that something has to change. i was preoccupied all week with a photography commission that was at once thrilling and draining, that i couldn’t really complain about, because it was exactly where i’ve wanted to arrive for years, but that was ultimately vaguely unsatisfying, because i was working hard trying to execute someone else’s vision. how do you complain about doing something you’re good at that you love, that someone is willing to pay you for??? and yet, here i am, wishing i had time to do the dishes, and clean out the fridge, and clip my nails, and go to my son’s soccer game, without having to do a cost benefit analysis. i feel a little like this plant–not broken, but a little bit bowed.

november (knotweed ?) stem

grass lake, saint paul, minnesota