what matters
with a misguided click of a button today, i managed somehow to permanently delete my entire email inbox and all of the folders where i’d stored my communications over the last several years. my first feeling was sheer grieving panic. my next feeling, not long afterwards, was a kind of relief. those folders had been filled with artifacts from the past, any of which had the power to resurface in the future in the form of obligations, or missed opportunities or claims on my time. without my even knowing it, they had been present somewhere my psyche as a kind of weight, heavy enough that i could feel it lift today, when i realized they were gone.
simple bouquet of winter stems
I know the feeling… A double edged sword of deep fear knowing the mind cannot possibly remember the minute details, yet deep relief from having to do so through a medium that stands a sentinel to remind one’self. Once it’s gone, the responsibility is gone with it. It was a very heavy weight although nearly imperceptible.